I don’t remember exactly how I first happened upon ishotmyself.com. I don’t remember the exact words I typed in the Google search bar, whether it was a direct link from my search, whether it was the link that author/sex educator Violet Blue has on her blog, or whether I found one of the site’s thousands of erotic self-portraits posted on some discussion board where men share and trade pictures of naked women and where I like to lurk for insight into men’s porn habits. But I remember that I opened the main page late at night, about a year ago, and I was totally captivated. A porn site claiming to be art. Women, from all over. Vivid, colorful, beautifully-lit pictures of their naked bodies.
I was certainly captivated by the creative self-portraits by the sweet young things—18-year-olds to 20-somethings—that dominate the site. But the site really got my attention when I saw this picture:
Sweet older thing? Very yummy, indeed.
And then there were pictures like this:
Beautiful, titillating … and not your average porn model.
And even the sweet young things were deliciously real. With the combination of the high quality of the images and the photographers/models being regular girls with regular bodies, I could see that pimple on her ass:
The faint stretch marks on the back of her thigh:
Hopefully, in my re-posting of these ISM pictures, there hasn’t been any loss of image quality — hopefully, you can see the pimple and faint stretch marks, too, because they are incredibly erotic. They make me feel like I’m right there, at that girl’s pussy, ready to push Flanders out of the way, replace him with my mouth.
I spent hours looking at gorgeous pictures which showed bulges on hips, little pot belly tummies, folds in skin, moles, stubble, softness, smiles, muscles, wrinkles. Images of a variety of women, as they actually look when naked, was not something I was used to seeing. I was used to air-brushing, soft lighting, heavy make-up, photoshopping out moles, bulges, tummies and folds. I found reality to be much sexier.
The free tour, which included the above pictures, compelled me to do something very unlike me. Something I’ve never done before and am unlikely to do again. Pay for a membership to a porn site.
I was also particularly captivated by several statements in the “Project ISM Principle:”
“Every [contributor] has been asked ‘why?’ and somewhat surprisingly to us, fame is not a common motive…. The word which comes up most in conversation with our participants is ‘control’. The female nude has, and always will be, highly trafficked. But whether the subject of prurient desire or simply a fundamental beauty in the human aesthetic, it has been captured, manipulated, and presented, so far, almost entirely by men…. And so ISM has become a venue for women to present themselves on their own terms.”
Having had a bad experience with a nude photographer who flaked on our trade-for-prints deal a few months before, the idea of me being in control of the camera, instead of some man, greatly appealed to me.
And then I read this:
“…some have foisted upon us the label of ‘feminist porn’. And we don’t mind that. ISM is run almost entirely by women after all.”
I stayed up all night long, enchanted with my new membership and the great diversity of women’s body parts on display. And I was intrigued by the idea of participating. Shooting my own self-portraits was something that I was already prone to doing in a low-quality way (dim indoor lighting) prior to reading the main advice ISM gives to prospective contributors (shoot in bright light, preferably sunlight).
But I was also skeptical and wary. Over the next few days, my google searches included phrases such as “ishotmyself.com regrets,” “ishotmyself critique,” and “ishotmyself.com bad idea.” I didn’t find what I was looking for – the stories of any contributors who’d had negative experiences. But that last search led me to a blogger’s interview with the head of ISM. Although the interview was fascinating and inspiring, I have to confess I was disappointed the blogger was interviewing a man, not a woman.
That ISM’s head honcho was a guy put me off from doing an initial submission for months. I took pictures of myself with the ISM principles and technical advice in mind, but I didn’t know what to do with them. Maybe I’d start my own web site. Maybe I’d write a book and put these pictures in it. Vague ideas. I focused on other outlets for my exhibitionist streak. I focused on finding a Dom to date. My profile had one of the most nicely framed shots of an ass you’ve ever seen on a kinky personals site, and I was the photographer:
But I should have googled “dating male Dom regrets.” In October, after quite a negative experience with yet another kinky guy, it dawned on me, that head guy at ISM probably wouldn’t put me through the bullshit about my body these kinky guys had, and I’d not only get some of the objectification I had sought in my personal ad, but I’d be compensated for my hard work. In my application to submit a folio, I said, “I lost 70 pounds 4 years ago. I’ve had a string of lovers who have criticized my now-thin body with rude comments about loose skin and saggy breasts. I liked my plus-size look a lot, but I am very proud of my weight loss and healthy, fit, athletic body. I love to show it off, and I love taking erotic self-portraits in the style and spirit of ISM. I was a member for 3 months, to get inspiration from the other artists’ folios. I think I have the self-portrait skills and the look to contribute something unique and beautiful to ISM. So screw those guys!”
I love ishotmyself.com. It’s been an easy, fun and fulfilling relationship – a great experience. I’ve changed my mind – it’s awesome that ISM is headed by a man – it’s awesome that a man had such a vision and created a body-positive, sex-positive and woman-positive porn site. I don’t know if the guy who runs it considers himself a feminist pornographer, but I don’t mind foisting that label on him.
