I dream about quitting my job and becoming a full-time feminist pornographer—a pornographer with an activist agenda. I want to change and challenge the male gaze. Many men seem to appreciate real bodies—most of my lovers over the years, for example, have liked my body parts. My tits, which have hung low and flat, like pancakes, since age 13. My hips, which, like my tits, are covered in faint stretch marks from developing quickly in puberty. My legs, shapely with muscle and cellulite. My abs, which, four years after my 70-pound weight loss, are pads of soft loose skin over a tight core. My ass, round and jiggly, whether large or small. But many is not enough for me, because the words of lovers who have criticized my body, the rude words thousands of men have written all over the Internet about other women’s bodies, the unrealistic expectations and desires of the male gaze—these things offend me deeply. I would like to prescribe an attitude adjustment to every man (boy?) who has ever said anything negative about a healthy woman’s natural body. I would like these men to change the way they see, instead of women changing the way they look. How about a surgical procedure for their brains and leaving our beautiful breasts uncut? I suppose a lot of women would be good candidates for gaze alteration, too. Well, as much as I like the idea of male brain surgery becoming more popular than breast implants, creating feminist porn is more sex-positive. And writing about sexuality, pornography, personal experiences and personal politics is more doable. So here I am—blogging at feministpornographer.com and linking you to sites where you can find my and other feminists’ pornography.
In general, I am fascinated with the sexual objectification of women. I want to study porn and the sex industry—so much so, that I want to get into the sex industry to learn about it from the inside. I would like to understand and influence objectification, as well as its effects on people, their relationships, their sexuality, their self-esteem, their expectations and perceptions of partners’ bodies. I want to understand the way men relate to porn and what it really indicates about the way they see women and girls as sex objects. Is the male gaze always as unrealistic and offensive as popularly thought? Should I be so deeply offended?
I admire mainstream feminist campaigns against unrealistic beauty standards, but efforts like Love Your Body Day are too tame for my taste. They also seem to focus mostly on changing women and their personal attitudes about their own bodies. This isn’t good enough for me—I’d like to see more feminists tackling the sticky issue of how men’s porn and male sexuality interact with gender dynamics and body image issues.
But perhaps all of the above is a bunch of tripe, and I’m really just another self-absorbed exhibitionist starting yet another blog. In the interests of full disclosure, I have many motivations that are arguably in deep conflict with a feminist agenda ….
I want to be objectified—thoroughly, explicitly, perversely—by men—because it turns me on.
I enjoy using sex as power.
I adore being the center of men’s sexual attention.
I identify as sexually submissive.
I am prone to falling for guys who are bad for me and my body image, and my personal experiences with these men are likely to be a focus of my essays for personal, not just political, reasons. (On the other hand, every good feminist knows that the personal is political)
I am probably an average American woman in terms of the amount of time and money I have spent on my appearance, losing weight, buying clothes and cosmetics, and getting or considering procedures that bring me closer to fitting aspects of the popular beauty ideal that appeal to me, or—even more in conflict with feminist ideals—to the men I’m attracted to.
And finally, I fully intend to make money off of nude images of myself and other women, perhaps even conventionally commercial, offensive, disgusting, and/or highly degrading nude images of women. Profit is not my primary purpose in blogging or in spreading my erotic self-portraits across the internet, but what kind of pornographer could I claim to be if I weren’t earning some cash from dirty pictures?
You are an inspiration (and have a lovely body).
March 4, 09 12:07 am
Well written, I hope you go some ways to educating people. But don't write off all men, just yet….
March 10, 09 12:39 am
Sounds fascinating so far, looking forward to reading more from you!
~ Ngaio.
March 10, 09 12:48 am
Sounds interesting! I looking forward to more of your posts
March 13, 09 8:13 am
Yeah, well said! I think that as long as we can use our 'falling for guys that are not good for us and our self-image' to our creative and literary advantage, it can't be too bad
look forward to hearing more from you girl.
x chica
March 13, 09 10:36 am
Hi Dear,
I'm a man. I don't think you wrote your name or I would have called you by it. I'm long winded too, and there are many things I could say, but for now I'll just pick two.
1. I know that for initial attraction appearance is important to men. But I learned that I can be turned on by a woman who is not my ideal if I can associate sexual pleasure with her. If a woman teases with me, flirts with me, arouses me, and gives herself to me, and does these things willingly, desirously, and repeatedly, then she'll have me right where she wants me. I'll learn, be trained, to associate sex with her, and her appearance becomes no longer important.
2. As far as your appearance I was immediately struck by your waist and hips. Perhaps you've read of the waist-hips ratio. The ideal is considered to be 0.7. If you have not read of this here is a wikipedia link to a discussion of the issue:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waist-hip_ratio
I took my ruler and measured your waist and hips on my monitor. Waist: nine sixteenths of an inch. Hips: thirteen sixteenths of an inch. Nine divided by thirteen is 0.69. You're perfect.
Matt
March 13, 09 8:07 pm
Interesting concept. I am looking forward to what you have to express here in the future
Hopefully a dedicated fan from Europe
March 22, 09 8:32 am
Very interesting hunnie! I could probably write a book in response to what you've said!
Anyway, I see every female body as a 'playground' that I could have 'fun' with, but my ultimate pleasure is giving that 'lady' the greatest sexual experience she has ever had!
I have found a lot of ladies who could not assimilate with that, hence they let me (or ask me) to take control – the main reason I am a Dom/Master! 'Give yourself to me, hunnie and I will take you to sexual heaven'! Then, when reality strikes and they're conscious of what they did (allowed to be done to them) they feel guilty and can drop back into their fully inhibited mode!
June 4, 09 10:36 am
Wow. You sound…just like me. And your purposes for creating this website all sound exactly like mine (though it will be a while yet before I get around to making a site). Only I’m a videographer, not a photographer.
It’s wonderful to find a kindred spirit though, and good luck with this project!
December 12, 09 11:37 pm
That was very creative blog, but I think that you will make more money on not what your willing to do but on what your not willing to do. We as a male species will spend more money on what I can’t get then what we already have, do you understand? If you “play” the part that your uncertain about doing various things “the male species” will attempt to haggle you into doing what excites them.
May 10, 10 1:01 am